Losing Baby

With the loss of our third pregnancy in the summer of 2016, miscarriage became part of our family's narrative.  We found out that Baby had died at 16 weeks of pregnancy during a routine midwife appointment.  It was called a silent miscarriage.  It was the most overwhelming sense of loss and the most profound sadness I have ever experienced.

Baby at 12 weeks along.

We buried Baby with my paternal grandfather Edward, a good man whom I loved deeply, in the family cemetery.  It provided me with a sense of comfort knowing that Baby was surrounded by generations of her kin.  We later placed a flat stone on her grave marking her much too short time with us.  We also planted a tree in her honour in our backyard near the boys' play structure to help keep her spirit with us as we play and grow on our farm.

Baby's tree in the moonlight.

This week we lost another baby, miscarried at 7 weeks of pregnancy. As we mourn this new loss, some of the sorrow I felt at losing Baby has come flooding back.   Losing a child in pregnancy feels so profoundly personal, yet so overwhelmingly significant, it leaves you paralyzed as to whether to share the news or keep it to yourself.

When we lost Baby reading about other women who had experienced something similar helped me grieve.  So, I am sharing our story.  To anyone who has also experienced the loss of a much wanted child - you are not alone.  All you can do is take it one breath at a time.